TESTIMONY: FROM BIRTH TO REBIRTH
I was born in the month of November in the year 1965, in a town somewhere in Fryslan, the Netherlands. My father was a teacher but more than that: he was a preacherman in the Pentecostal church. My mother had been praying all through her pregnancy, she told JAH that if I would be born, I would be completely JAH’s.
I don’t know whether my mother was driven by the Spirit of JAH to give me to Him, or whether it was out of her own initiative. It doesn’t really matter either. But it did have a result and part of that can be seen in my works.
Works that could not be done before I would be born again. And that was a thing nobody could decide for me to go through, but myself. And I would eventually do so, in the 19th year of my life.
My mother’s decision was a spiritual one, and appearantly it was known in the spiritual realms what she had done. Also within the realms of spiritual wickedness in low places. And so the evil ones would try their utmost best to keep me from being born spiritually. They would have to try to prevent me from becoming a true son of JAH through Yesus Kristos, “by all means neccesary”.
In retrospective it is clear that there were several spiritual attempts to end my physical life, even before I was born. And when it was time for me to leave my mother’s womb, it turned out that not everything was the way it goes in normal births either. My umbilical cord was knotted, and if I had made one wrong movement, I would not have survived…
When I grew up, I was spiritually aware without knowing that I was. How could I, I was only a child. There was no question to me, as to whether “God” existed or not. There was no question for me, if “satan” exists or not. There was no question for me, as to whether “spirits” existed.
But that didn’t mean I grew up as a “believer”. Quite the contrary, I might add.
I don’t really know what triggered it, even though I have my ideas. But these are not really relevant at this moment. It’s a fact, that my spiritual awareness did not lead me to accepting Yesus Kristos as my Lord God and Saviour.
In fact, I rebelled!
Sure, I can blame it on the fact that because of my father’s occupation in the Pentecostal church I was seriously traumatized.
After all, the Pentecostal church was considered a “sect” by the traditional reformed protestant churches and most children I grew up with had parents that were members of these traditional churches. This was appearantly their way of expressing what their parents felt about my parents..
But I won’t.
I can blame it on the fact that within the Pentecostal church that my parents went to, I was also the subject of ridicule and rejection.
After all, I was kind of different than most kids around me. I asked questions they couldn’t answer and had interests they never heard of.
But I won’t.
In fact, I won’t blame it on anyone else but myself!
As I see it now, I was born a rebel. And this is, as far as I can see, caused by the fact that my mother gave me to JAH even before I was born.
This might sound contradictionary, I’m aware of that. I think that JAH made me in a certain way which in the beginning might have caused me to not want to follow Yesus Kristos, but after almost two decades would form a foundation which enabled me to do what I am currently doing.
After all, being a rebel doesn’t neccesarily mean dealing with evil. When you’re a rebel, you have to lead yourself rather than being led by ones who claim authority over you for no reason at all. And little did I know about the True Authority, that of JAH the Most High!
But I’m running ahead of myself, here…
At a very young age, even on Kindergarten, I wondered why all the other children did exactly what the school-teacher said. I wondered why they believed what they were told.
In short, I did what I consider to be very important: I “questioned authorities”. As a matter of my nature, that is.
I saw that there was no real reason as to why these “athorities” should be seen as such. I basically saw these “authorities” as downpressors, whose only “argument of power” was: brute force.
This brute force could be “disciplining”, or social pressure from the other children in my class who felt safe defending the “authorities” and used that feeling of safety to pick on what they thought was a weaker individual.
And sure enough, I was. The school-bullies elected me to be their victim, the teachers decided I was a pain their neck, in the church it was no different and so all of this grew a hate in me that only Yesus would take away years later.
Little did I know, back then. And the least of what I knew had to do with myself and who I am. From a very early age, I saw everything from a different perspective than most people do. I asked questions that most people were unable to answer and if they did answer, it was in the form of ridicule and –again- brute force.
The message that came out of everything, was: “You must become like us or face brute force and ridicule”.
In the same time, I knew that somehow the Christians were right but I could not connect with them. Just like I could not connect with most other people either…
Did I make the mistake to think, that JAH is the Same One as the Christians allways speak about? And when I say “Christians” I use that term very loosely. Did I think that JAH wanted me to be someone I was not, ignoring the non-answers to my sincere questions?
I am afraid I did, to a certain extend.
And so, at a young age of about 9 or so, I made a conscious choice to be with Satan rather than with Jesus Christ. After all, if I was to be different and the subject of ridicule, I could just as much change the table and start to ridicule them…
Things really went bad after that, and I believe that I was possessed by demons from a very young age allready. There are several instances I can remember, in which supernatural entities actually entered me and they only left after I would have given my life to Yesus Kristos at the age of 19.
Let me give two examples.
One evening, I was basically chilling out on my bed. I saw a light in my room, a very small light. But it moved. It made some crazy movements before it… entered me.
Another time, I heard a voice in my spirit that told me: “as soon as you will breathe in, I will enter”. Well, I couldn’t keep my breath all my life, and so that entitie went in as well.
I also knew, that Jah was calling me. I knew I had to be with Him. There was even one instance, in which He called me by my name, audibly! I was very much afraid, and I ran away as fast as I could from the room I was in, when I heard His voice.
In all of this, my parents were very well aware of the spiritual nature of what was happenning with me. I would start to curse without reason, I would lose control over myself repeatedly and was basically driven by hate.
Due to my possession in that time, I am not sure what was “me” and what was caused by the demons that possessed me. You see, they possess you which means they take control. They will make you think that you actually think yourself, but all they do is projecting their own thoughts and feelings to you. They are spiritual parasites!
Needless to say, I was pretty confused. I walked around with upside-down crosses, blasphemed and cursed as much as I could, was being ruled by forces that made me do things I could not control and would regret.
Then, at a certain moment, I came to hear Reggae Music. This music touched me very deep! It was a track called “Five Nights Of Bleeding” by DUB Poet Linton Kwesie Johnson. The deep Drum and Bassline appealed to me in a special way. What I didn’t realize, that the music was the rhythm of the Hand that knocked on my door.
Obviously, I decided that I wanted to listen to more Reggae Music. And in the years that followed, I would slowly start to recognize that a lot of Reggae Music would be highly respecting “Jah Rastafari”. I learned, that Jah Rastafari was actually the Name and function of the very same God that my parents and all these Christians served!
Until this day, I am grateful to the Most High that He used the music to show me that He indeed was Rastafari, the Head Creator. Where I was in a state of war with everything remotely connected with what I would perceive as “Christian”, JAH used Reggae Music to introduce Himself to me.
I knew, that dreadlocks had to do with righteousness, too. And I knew to the fullness, that I was as far from righteousness as far can be. I could not wear dreads myself, however I did know that I had to listen to what the dreadlocksmen had to say.
But I was still possessed, even though I had stopped wearing satanic things and all of that ever since I started listening to Reggae Music. I had slowly come to realize that I was to respect Yesus Kristos, but I was suffering from possession by entities that hated Yesus Kristos to the max!
I came to know this man, who grew his dreadlocks. Or at least, so he said. He was much older than me, and he turned out to be a Satanist. I thought he was a Rasta and I thought that this was the connection I felt with him. But in truth, the connection I felt was the connection of the demons that possessed us and this man turned out to be a wolfe in sheep’s clothing and a dangerous one, too.
I had been “playing” spiritual “games” with him. Here’s just one example: He would hold his hand in a fire and show how it would not burn. I would do the same. And this would go on and on. He just couldn’t win what I thought were “innocent games”… He did not like that, which would become deadly clear on that particular day I came and drank a cup of tea with him.
I remember it as if it was yesterday. It was the 6th of august, in 1985. The day I became spiritually born again.
He stared me right in my face and he told me: “You are a dog, that barks too much. In the tea you just drank, I put a poison which kills dogs that bark too much. It won’t be traceable in the body and works in an hour”.
I knew he wasn’t lying, but still I wouldn’t show him fear. I asked him if he had another cup of tea and he told me it was in the kitchen. I drank it before his eyes, and told him I had to go.
I was literally frightened to death!
I knew I wasn’t right with JAH, and I knew I was about to stand before His throne with no excuse whatsoever. It was then, that I finally bowed down and asked Yesus to come into my life as my Lord and Saviour.
I am ashamed, to write this down. It’s not something I’m proud of.
Even though I was showing some “spiritual strength” towards this Satanist, I was a coward. I knew Jah was calling me, I knew He would accept me every time, but only when I knew I was going to die within an hour is when I would finally bow down and accept Him, Yesus Kristos, as my Lord God and Saviour.
Finally, my real life could begin. The life, that Jah choose for me the moment my mother gave me to Him before I was born.
